I to I Do

5 Reasons Why You Won’t See a Dating Coach

no dating coachLet me start this off by saying that this is not a sales pitch or a ploy to guilt you into seeing me or any other dating coach. I personally don’t really care if you do or don’t. Well, that’s not really true. I really do care about helping you succeed in finding that special, committed, long term relationship that leads to marriage, and I really do want you to be happy (yes, even though I don’t know you). But judging from the emails I get and from the amount of people reading my advice, I know that there a lot of people out there who would either greatly benefit or who desperately need to speak to someone like myself who can give them some honest advice and insight and set them on a path to dating and relationship success. So why aren’t they actually coming to see me?

1. Dating coaches are for losers.
I guess that depends on how you define losers. If it’s someone who’s been single for a while and can’t seem to get into or stay in a committed relationship, or someone who seems to be spinning their wheels dating the wrong people and getting hurt and frustrated all the time, or someone who keeps passing up good potentials in the hope of meeting their fantasy mate, then you’re right. Most of the people I meet with fall into those categories. Are you in a satisfying relationship? Are you getting dates with the people you’re interested in dating? Hmmm…

2. Dating coaches charge.
Here’s what happens a lot. I’ll get an email from someone with a lot of questions in need of help or support. If it’s something I feel comfortable answering via email, I do. Usually I find it almost impossible to give a serious response to someone without meeting them first to learn about who they are. So I suggest that they meet with me and tell them my fee ($100/hr session). That’s usually the last I hear from them. I’d love to think that I magically solved their problem without even really knowing what it is, but I doubt that’s it. I guess it’s possible that they can’t afford to spend the money, which is totally understandable. But when the person inquiring is a lawyer or doctor or some other sort of professional, I’m pretty sure they drop a “Hundy” for dinner or drinks without too much distress. So I guess they just feel that charging for dating advice (especially if you’re a rabbi) is not “kosher”. I often would like to just meet them gratis, but besides believing that my time and service is valuable, I truly believe that when you get something for free you don’t take it as seriously as something you pay for. Anyone who’s serious about getting their dating life in order and finding their soulmate needs to be willing to make at least a token investment in that goal. Just paying for online dating sites isn’t enough.

3. Dating is an innate skill that everyone possesses.
Dating should be natural, right? So is eating, but we still seek the advice of doctors and nutritionists. The truth is that dating skills do come naturally to lots of people. If you are one of those and you’re happy with how your journey is progressing, then enjoy! For the rest of you, maybe you need a bit of guidance?

4. Too Busy.
Got too much going on? Good for you! But do you want to be in a relationship? Do you want to get married? Then maybe you should re-prioritize your busy schedule and free up an hour or two that might change your life and get you on track to a happy relationship. Life doesn’t get less busy. Wait until you have kids…you don’t know what busy is!

5. Still thinking about it.
For some seeking help is a big step not to be taken lightly. So you’re thinking about it, and thinking, and still thinking. It’s already been five or ten years, but you’re still thinking about it. Let me take the pressure off of you: it’s not that big of a deal. Just make the decision and set up the meeting. At the very least you’ll free up a lot of mental space that’s being taken up by all of that thinking.

Here’s the bottom line: if you’re happy with your dating or relationship status, enjoy and be blessed with continued success. But if you’re not, please seriously consider getting some guidance in whatever form that might be. If you just want to dip your tow in, pick up a copy of my book. If you want more, send me an email and I’ll let you know if and how I can help. But do something.

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About Arnie Singer

Arnie Singer is a rabbi, author, and dating and relationship advisor committed to helping women of all faiths meet, date, and marry their Mr. Right. Arnie is also the founder of Jzoog.com, a dating and matchmaking site for Jewish singles.

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